Funniest Bingo Jokes in the UK guide, British gambling advice, Safe betting platforms

Funniest Bingo Jokes in the UK

8 April 2022

What is the best thing about bingo? Some might say it’s the prizes, while some might claim it’s the act of playing. Marking off your card and awaiting the winning number is a sure way to spark excitement, but what is notorious about bingo is the traditions and the culture surrounding the game. Punters in trackies, chatting away to their pals and neighbours, laughing and joking around as they wait for the game to start. Sounds familiar right?

Over the years we have seen a great load of jokes coming in and out of the bingo narrative, all created by the wonderful people that play slots and bingo. In this article we will look at some of the funniest bingo jokes.

Funniest Bingo Jokes in the UK guide

Funniest Bingo Jokes in the UK – Short Liners

  • How do you make an old lady shout swear words?

Have another one shout “Bingo!”

  • My doctor told me I had a bingo tumor

“Don’t worry” he said, “it is B-9”

  • I was fired from my bingo caller job…

The number was 69, so I called “A meal for two with a hairy view”

  • How do you know that a bingo player isn’t interested in you?

You call their numbers 6 times and receive no answer

  • I started my new job as a bingo caller yesterday and while calling the numbers, I farted loudly. My boss came up to me right away and said “Don’t do that”. I said “Sorry, it must be the nerves”. “Fair enough”, he replied, “but why did you hold the microphone to your arse?”
  • What do you call a lady addicted to bingo?

Betty!

The 10 commandments of bingo

  1. Thou shalt not sit in thy neighbour’s lucky seat.
  2. Thou shalt not stare at thy neighbour’s card.
  3. Thou shalt not take the Callers name in vain.
  4. Thou shalt not call false “Bingo”.
  5. Thou shalt not wish bad luck on thy neighbour.
  6. Thou shalt not threaten to kill the “Caller”.
  7. Thou shalt not steal thy husband’s money for Bingo (oh, alright you can do this one).
  8. Thou shalt not brag about how much thou hast won.
  9. Thou shalt not whine about how much thou hast lost.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s winnings.

A beautiful woman sits next to you on a plane…

A man boarded a plane going from London Heathrow Airport to Los Angeles. He took his seat and noticed a very beautiful woman coming his way. Bingo! She sat right next to him.

-“Hello”, the man said, “Business trip or vacation?”.

She smiled and said,

-“Business. I’m going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States. I am a lecturer, I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality”.

The man was feeling all hot and bothered, but tried to stay composed.

-“What myths are those?”, he asked.

-“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. It is also true that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.”

All of a sudden the woman became uncomfortable. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I really shouldn’t be discussing this with you, I don’t even know your name!”

“Tonto,” the man said. “Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.”

Comments on this guide to Funniest Bingo Jokes in the UK article are welcome.

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